Friday, December 30, 2005

Why People with ADD Shouldn't Do Dishes

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I walked in the kitchen at the exact moment the water began to creep onto the counter. I am officially off dishes duty.

Random Things that I heard myself saying today

"No! Don't lick the wall!"

"Kale, there will be no punching your brother today. Check back with me tomorrow. Maybe I'll have changed my mind."

"Why did you pee on the Big Red Beast?"

"Stop sticking your fingers in the dog's eye."

"Do you need to poop?"

"Just because I'm eating bunt cake for breakfast doesn't mean you're allowed to as well. When you're an adult, you can choose to have a poor diet. Until then, it's all healthy, all the time! Mwaaah ha ha ha ha!"

Aaaahhh! Thank you, Lord that tonight is Date Night!!! Jake and I are venturing to my old stomping grounds (The West Village). We're going to The Magnolia to see Capote (I have been chomping at the bit to see this ~ I'm a huge fan of Philip Seymour Hoffman) and eating at Taco Diner. Jealous???!!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Another day in potty training hell

The utter exhaustion of finding places to hide while trying to take a dump had taken it's toll on Kale, so he decided to combine nap time and poop time...

Monday, December 26, 2005

He's Killing Me Softly

For about the past 3 hours two of the neighborhood boys have been over playing with our boys. One left about 45-minutes ago when his mom politely followed proper etiquette and came to get him before he had worn out his welcome, but the other boy has decided he is going to move in and join the Hart clan (and his parents don't seem to mind).

Jacob and Kale have long been done with playing, and you can tell they are ready for their friend to take a hike. Thankfully, they are being sensitive to others feelings today and are being polite (this is a true rarity).

But how do you get a kid to head for the hills without coming out and saying, "Dude, I'm so done with you."? Plus, he's a big talker, which is cool for a while, but the constant questions are killing me!!!

Pass the Prozac, please.

Newsflash: I can pull off "weird" really well (please join me in saying DUH!)

Your Hair Should Be Orange
Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.
But this isn't far off from my real hair color, so does that mean I'm in touch with my Inner Funkiness?

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Bring It On, Santa!!

So as I was talking to my very funny friend, Lauren (who, by the way, REALLY needs to write a blog for our personal enjoyment), she proceeded to make me swerve off the road and pee my pants (just a little). She told of a conversation between herself and one of her twin 5-year-old daughters (yes, twins!).


Lauren: You'd better be good, because Santa is watching you. And if you're bad, he'll bring you COAL for Christmas.

Josie: That's okay. I'll just paint it.


Go ahead Santa! Bring it on!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Someone draw the dumb girl a picture, please

Okay, I can't stand it any longer. I have tried to let it pass, move on, forget about it, but it just keeps resurfacing and jumping up to slap me in the face and remind me that I am truly an idiot.

I have been a Christian for 6 years. I go to church every week. I lead a ministry, for Pete's sake. But would someone please explain to me why I have NO IDEA what in the heck "Advent" is? I have never heard the word before this year, and now everyone seems to be on the Advent Bus except me. All the cool kids are throwing this word around, and it seems there is even a calendar available dedicated to this 'Advent' thing.

Please explain to the dumb girl what it is so I can go to bed and sleep already. And promise you won't make fun of me...too badly. No mocking allowed on my blog unless I'm the mocker.

Some Things: Vol. 1: Brazilian Bikini Waxing and Other Fun Hobbies

Some Things I Love:

  • Fish Tacos - I'm from San Diego - the home of REAL Mexican food, not the Tex-Mex crap you get here in Texas. And don't say, "OOHH, Gross!" until you've tried them. They are uber delish!!!
  • Chocolate - Um, I'm a girl. It's a prerequisite. But not just any chocolate. I have my standards.
  • When the hubs brings me a big cup of coffee before I get out of bed. Evidence that he knows how to be sweet.
  • My new Baby-Poop-Green sweater I'm wearing. So much so that I've worn it 3 times in the last week. (Whatever - you know you do the same thing)
  • Getting in line at Starbucks before the five pretentious people who order science experiments instead of a stinkin' cup of coffee!

Some Things I Hate:

  • Getting stuck in line behind the above-mentioned coffee snobs at Starbucks. Please just order your Latte and move on. We all care so much about how special you think you are because you can order something so complicated you need a degree in Chemistry to make it and your complete disregard for the 15 other people behind you that need a caffeine fix and have three-year-olds pulling them in every direction.
  • Potty Training: 10 months and counting, People!! Someone save me from this endless pile of poop-stained underwear that I have to hide from the dogs or they'll chew a hole in them trying to get every last morsel of my kid's poop out of or they just. might. DIE!
  • Rude People: Come on, guys! Grab ahold of the corn cob and PULL!
  • People who criticize the way other churches "do" church. That's like one family telling another family how to raise their kids. Each family (church) does what works best for them. Now get over it and shut your trap.
  • The torn cuticle on my left thumb. It keeps getting caught on everything and ripping further. OUCH! (You'd be whining too! It hurts!) Incidentally, because of said torn cuticle, it has been decided that Jacob MUST learn to tie his own shoes NOW. It's not fun tying shoes with a flap of flesh hanging from your appendage. Trust me on this.

Some Things I'm Confused About:

  • Why does my male dog wait for my female dog to poop so he can run right over and have a nice, warm feast of her feces?! Um, GROSS!!
  • Locks on the doors at 7-11. (this may take some of you a while)
  • Moms that tell their child's age in months. "Tommy is 56 months today." He's 4!!!! Say it with me, "He's 4!"
  • People that order a McDonald's Super-Sized value meal with a Diet Coke. HUH?!
  • Brazilian Bikini Waxes: 'Nuf said

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I laughed 'till I snorted - repeatedly

I stumbled onto a blog, Breed 'em and Weep. Oh. My. Gosh. She is my long-lost sister. (But she can actually write. Really well.)

Go check her out. But finish your milk first. Your nose will thank me.

The Last of The Mohekans

This past Thursday my family lost our Matriarch - my Mam-maw. She was 88 years old, but had the pure heart of a child. I have never known another person to make the lasting impression on as many people's lives as this amazing woman did. I can honestly say that she was TRULY a Proverbs 31 Woman (something I have always thought was so un-achievable); the last of her kind. Never once in my life did I ever hear her say anything negative about anyone. In fact, she could even find positive things to say about Satan. "Well, you have to give him credit for being a hard worker."

Not only was she a phenomenal woman, but she was a huge cut-up and about as ornery as the day is long. Last Monday as she was being wheeled in for heart surgery she joked with her doctors and told them that while they were in there, they might as well give her a nice big tattoo on her butt cheek; a Harley tattoo would do just fine. One of my most fond memories of my Mam-maw was on her 80th birthday celebration. We had rented out a building, had family members as far as the eye could see, food, music - we pulled out all the stops. When it was time to sing Happy Birthday and have her blow out her candles, she proceeded to start a cake fight. Many people were shocked that a woman her age would behave in such a manner, but she didn't care. She was just having fun.

At her funeral it was a huge celebration of her life. She left behind 3 daughters, 16 Grandchildren, 46 Great-Grandchildren, and 19 Great-Great-Grandchildren. She knew each one of us on an intimate level and we all felt like we were her favorite. You could always count on her if you needed someone to talk to or needed godly advise. She never forgot a birthday and at Christmas you could always count on a crisp 10-dollar bill in your card. It was a wonderful time with everyone sharing many stories of her life and it made me realize what an amazing testimony she lived out.

One phrase was spoken over and over by many people that day. "I don't know how she managed to live such a godly, pure life. I know I could never have done it with as much dignity and grace as she did." The greatest thing is, she never took credit for the way she lived her life. It was all out of her undying love for her sweet Jesus. During her eulogy, some of her own words were quoted, and these stuck out to me the most. "I have let my Jesus down countless times, but He has never let me down."

I am so greatful that I had the priveledge to get to grow up knowing such an amazing woman and my children were able to know her even just a little bit. My prayer is that I can grow to be half the woman that she was. Wouldn't we all want to die knowing that we had touched as many lives as she had and done it all for our King's glory and not our own?

I miss you my Little Mam-maw!