Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Hand Me Your Milk and Get Back A Milk Shake

Nearly two years ago I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Through tons of failed medication, lots of trips to the doctor, weeks at a time hooked up to wires trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I finally decided to step out on faith and just accept that God was going to heal me. And He did. For a year-and-a-half I was seizure-free and felt great.

About two months ago they came back and came back with a vengeance. My seizures went from being Complex Partial seizures to Grand Mal seizures. Do I think my healing wasn't real? Absolutely not. I still know that I am in the sweet spot of God's hands and He has already taken care of this whole situation. But here is my dilemma: I don't want to go back to the doctor. Not out of stubbornness or fear, but mainly because the last go-round proved what I had always suspected; that doctors are really just playing a huge guessing game and I was their guinea pig. Through all of the testing, anti-seizure medication, etc., I was still being plagued with seizures. All the medication did was make me numb, dumb, and took away my ability to feel them coming on.

I have kept my condition a secret for a while. My friends and family didn't know anything until just recently. I hated how everyone looked at me with pity before and it seemed like my health was the only thing anyone ever wanted to talk about and the thought of going through all of that again made my stomach churn. Plus, I hate the unsolicited advice, no matter how sincere it may be. As soon as I tell people that my seizures have returned I get barked at to go to the doctor. I know it's because they care about me and want the best, but I'm not being stupid and I'm not going to risk my safety. This is a decision that has to be between me and God and I'm at total peace with that.

So here's the question:

How do I convince my friends and family to just pray for me and have it stop there? How do I get them to NOT look at me with pity? How do I convince them that I know what I'm doing? How do I get them to understand this whole faith decision? Or do I not bother at trying to convince anyone of anything? Because it's seeming like a big fat waste of breath and energy.

You tell me.


At 11/27/2007 10:50 PM, Blogger Kate said...

I hear you all the way.
I would say some just the facts you want to tell, and firmly add "end of story - just pray".

Or in a Forrest Gump voice you could say - "And that's all I have to say about that."
Just trying to put a smile on your face. :)

At 12/01/2007 8:28 PM, Blogger Kelly said...

I don't know if this is actually helpful, or not, but I understand your frustration with others' pity and a desire for them to just pray without offering their opinion, or feeling sorry for you. I have felt exactly the same, and struggled with trying to make them understand I am comfortable in my faith, and only want them to agree in prayer- not offer counsel. Unfortunately, I have had to realize we have no control over other people's opinions or actions, and so I had to just accept that they were at a different place than I am, and guard my conversations with them.
If others are detrimental to my faith, I don't discuss things of importance with them, as it is "throwing pearls before swine".

It is hard when I can't share my heart with close friends, but I just can't allow others' doubts to taint my beliefs.
I hope this is encouraging- I am praying for you to have peace and maintain your positive outlook:-)

At 12/03/2007 2:24 AM, Anonymous a_friend said...

I totally agree about the guessing game doctors play... I have regained my health for the first time in my life after realizing that very same fact. Doctors treat symptoms (mostly just suppressing them), not the root of the problem. And also, the medications they prescribe normally have such nasty long-term effects, it's horrifying!!

So, congrats on where you stand. Stick to it even when you get pressure from all sides, it is the best thing to do for your body. God created us with amazing abilities to heal.

There are great natural supplements to support your healing process and it's worth reading up on that. I also went for Scio treatment to find out whether I had any nutritional deficiencies or any allergies. Turned out, by cutting out certain foods, I'm completely healthy. Praise God for that!

At 12/03/2007 4:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

from KP -- you know that "only your hairdresser knows for sure" so from my heart, this is what I know to be sure:

God is faithful. When He says you are healed, you are healed. I also know that if you let Him, the Holy Spirit will speak to you and tell you just what to do. You can say, "go with your gut", but your gut is ALWAYS the Holy Spirit -- listen.

You do not have to make any decision until you feel confident that you have heard from God. You will know when God speaks.

I believe God did heal you. I don't know what is going on now but PROTECT THE HEALING HE HAS GIVEN YOU SO FAR and look forward to what He has for you in your future. You will know Him truly as Jehovah Rapha only when no one else can heal. You may be there now -- let Jehovah Rapha become real to you.

I will pray for you. I do not feel sorry for you. I miss you and I want to see you. I would love to bless you with a funky new haircut that is guaranteed to make you feel better. It's not because I feel sorry for you -- you are my poster child for crazy cuts. Call it a Christmas present. Besides, I would love to lay my hands on you and pray for you. I have lots of faith and I'm willing to share it with you.

I love you and I am praying for you.

At 12/04/2007 6:09 PM, Blogger V. said...

I'd love to drop a great tidbit of advice but I'm in a fresh new place that only allows me to say "leave it with God. You will hear from Him. As hard as it is to explain to people, don't try...let God"


(new blog: www.repurposed.wordpress.com )

At 12/04/2007 10:26 PM, Blogger Mama said...

There is nothing I can really say after reading my Mom's comment! I'm just jealous. I thought I WAS THE POSTER child for funky cuts! I guess it's because she never does my hair anymore! :)

Yes, you need to go in and get that Christmas present from her. I know she has been telling me she wanted to do that for you so you better go and let God bless ya!

I love you Minnie! I still miss our house. But, I don't want to talk about it! :)

At 12/10/2007 3:14 PM, Blogger Karen said...

Hey! I have a new blog. I just started today. You may not be able to relate to some things but you are an amazing encourager and I need you in my life and on my side.

luv u

At 2/07/2008 12:20 PM, Blogger Faithfulmommy said...

Tough call!! My son (3yr) has epi and now my grandson (3yr) too. My grandsons are totally out of control. anyway - years ago i made the decision you are making now. It was with my daughter and food allergies. She was very sick and the docs wanted her to take allergy shots. However, they only proved to make her sicker. I finally chose to stop the shots against everyone's advice. She was better off and I've never regretted it!!


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