Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Hand Me Your Milk and Get Back A Milk Shake

Nearly two years ago I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Through tons of failed medication, lots of trips to the doctor, weeks at a time hooked up to wires trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I finally decided to step out on faith and just accept that God was going to heal me. And He did. For a year-and-a-half I was seizure-free and felt great.

About two months ago they came back and came back with a vengeance. My seizures went from being Complex Partial seizures to Grand Mal seizures. Do I think my healing wasn't real? Absolutely not. I still know that I am in the sweet spot of God's hands and He has already taken care of this whole situation. But here is my dilemma: I don't want to go back to the doctor. Not out of stubbornness or fear, but mainly because the last go-round proved what I had always suspected; that doctors are really just playing a huge guessing game and I was their guinea pig. Through all of the testing, anti-seizure medication, etc., I was still being plagued with seizures. All the medication did was make me numb, dumb, and took away my ability to feel them coming on.

I have kept my condition a secret for a while. My friends and family didn't know anything until just recently. I hated how everyone looked at me with pity before and it seemed like my health was the only thing anyone ever wanted to talk about and the thought of going through all of that again made my stomach churn. Plus, I hate the unsolicited advice, no matter how sincere it may be. As soon as I tell people that my seizures have returned I get barked at to go to the doctor. I know it's because they care about me and want the best, but I'm not being stupid and I'm not going to risk my safety. This is a decision that has to be between me and God and I'm at total peace with that.

So here's the question:

How do I convince my friends and family to just pray for me and have it stop there? How do I get them to NOT look at me with pity? How do I convince them that I know what I'm doing? How do I get them to understand this whole faith decision? Or do I not bother at trying to convince anyone of anything? Because it's seeming like a big fat waste of breath and energy.

You tell me.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Hello, Old Friend

I highly doubt any of my old readers have kept me on their Bloglines subscriptions, and I'm pretty sure the rest of my old readers stopped checking in a long time ago to see if I had posted anything new. As you can see, it has been an entire year since my last post and BOY! has a lot happened in that year!

God is bringing me on a journey that is both exciting as well as petrifying. I was apparently a little too content and comfortable in my little world, so He thought I needed a little shake-up to make things a bit more exciting.

We were swindled out of a ton of money by my husband's old boss at the end of last year, and from there we have sort of been swirling the drain. At first it looked like things would be fine, but as time went on, we realized that swirling seemed to be getting faster and faster and we were about to go under.

In the past few weeks I have had to sell my beautiful car, we have had to put our dream home on the market, and now we are trying to figure out where in the world God is taking us next. At this point, I'm up for anything! He has managed to humble me to the point that none of the things I found so important before hold ANY importance now. I'm without a car, but I don't seem to care. I'm about to have to give up my dream home, but instead of being devastated, I'm excited to see where God is going to take me. 6 months ago I would have thought it was the end of the world and wondering what I had done wrong, but now I realize that He is bringing me to my knees so I will be focused solely on HIM. Not my house, not what's in fashion, not what kind of car I'm driving. Just Him.

So here I am, God! Bring on the change!!!