Derrière Nightmare

So I was un-packing stuff and came across some old pictures from the days when I actually worked out every day. There it was - a picture of my butt. Just my cute, little, non-cellulite, perfectly-shaped butt filling up the entire shot, in a bathing suit (barf). Of coarse I ran to the bathroom to see if my butt NOW comes close to resembling my butt THEN. Not even in the slightest sense. So to make myself feel better I ran straight for the tub of Breyers Coffee-flavored ice cream and scooped myself a HEAPING bowlful. I stood and stared thinking, "It's 1:30 in the morning, Minnie. You really shouldn't be eating this." Then Harley (the only other girl in my house) stood by my side and looked at me with the eyes that said, "Yes you should. And you should add a river of syrupy, gooey caramel and top it off with a large mound of Easy Whip." I took the dog's advice. We girls have to stick together.